Today's entry has been a point of contention between men and some women since the day some diamond-dealing miscreant convinced women that shiny rocks were symbols of undying love: Does she get to keep the ring if you call off the engagement?
My answer is a resounding "Hell No." Inasmuch as the ring signifies a promise that we'll share something together after we take vows, that promise is conditional on us actually taking those vows. Given that the rule-of-thumb for buying an engagement ring is that the man is supposed to spend three month's salary or something like that (I'd like to go back and find the sap of a romantic that agreed to that shit and bring him out for a public flogging, Manlaw style; have you ANY IDEA what three months of my salary is?), I could really use that cash back in my bank account for some decent purpose.
Beyond that, why the hell would you want to hold onto a symbol of something that will never happen? I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but...
Anywho, consider the following story of a man suing to get his $98,000 promise off some greedy broad's finger. I say screw the court: she don't wanna take it off, take a cutting tool to her and keep the whole finger.
Manlaw: I giveth; I can taketh away. The deal ain't done til the final "I do" is sung. One.
18 comments:
I agree with this one. Give it back. It ain't yours until ya'll walk down the aisle. He bought it, we ain't together, so I don't want it.
Only reason I'd contemplate keeping it would be to pawn it; not just to have the ring.
You have to give the ring back. The ring was meant for everlasting love.
If the love is over, so does possession of such ring.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend, but when it comes time for me to drop my hard-earned money on one, they'll be my worst enemy.
This is a Manlaw I'm definitely down with!
My question is this: What happens if you get through the I do's, and then she starts acting up? I mean, if I plopped down $98,000 for a ring, I'mma get dat back.
But I'm still waiting on my baby ring from the first girlfriend. I might have to chew through this chick's cartilage.
I was just having this conversation with a group of friends, many of whom are lawyers. According to them, there are laws in place that says the man is entitled to his ring back in the event the engagement is called of. The ring is viewed as a contractual symbol that the wedding will take place. If the contract is broken the ring is given back regardless of who called off the engagement. But, he can't get it back if they do get married and then divorce.
Personally, I would give the ring back. It's a moral, ethic and emotional decision for me. If we seperate due to unreconcilable (sp) differences then you should get your ring. However, there is an emotional exception to this rule that would make me throw good judgement out the window.
The exception: If you cheat on me while we are engaged with my family or another man. I know that sounds crazy, but it happens. Then I won't be so inclined to give you the ring back...an emotional decision that some may deem wrong, but that's how I would feel. You fucked me over bougishly (if that's a word), so fuck you!
Case in point. I was in ATL shopping at Lenox. I see a Soror, so of course I go up and give her a hug. We start conversing and I notice this fat ass solitare diamond on her right ring finger. She goes into this song and dance about being careful in ATL because many men are on the down low.
Long story short, the prior April her and her then fiance were planning their wedding and closing on the house. Guilt got to him or the pressure of his cheating partner and he called off the wedding and the house buying. His reason: He had been having a long time affair with his male best friend and couldn't live a lie any longer.
In that case, she kept the ring. I doubt if he even asked for it back.
Well Dynasty
I can see your point. But I think the dude would not ask for the ring in that case because perhaps he did not want to be outted.
Had he fought for that ring, he would have been taken out of the closet.
So I think his best bet was to keep quiet and let her have the ring.
Man, that's bullshit. If you're gay, you're gay. Plus, the gay people I know would need that extra money to afford their extravagant lifestyles.
He didn't get it back because he was being humble. Or she knows some other stuff that might mess him up.
Skinny: I agree with Marlon. I assume that he just didn't ask for it back out of respect for the reason the engagement was called off. Asking for it back would have been adding insult to injury.
People knowing his sexual orientation couldn't have been a concern of his any longer since he chose to out himself to her. From the looks of it, she's not keeping his secret...LOL!
okay, this conversation went into an entirely different direction ...
being the resident gay, if you are gay you are gay, is not exactly true. and i will leave it there.
while i do not agree with the downlow and bisexuality, we cannot really speak for thsi gy because we are not him and do not know the circumstances behind the situation.
maybe he did love her, but due to fear and other things could not be who he wanted to until it had become too much. that happens, i know many people it happens to.
but, i thought this post was about giving the ring back when the engagement is over and when it is or is not appropriate?
if so, i say "give the damn ring back," regardless of the circumstances. why do you want to keep it? unless you want it for show. if that is the case, then in my opinion, you were not in the engagement for the right reasons. the ring became more important. and again, our concentration is on materials when it is supposed to be about spending the rest of your life with someone because you love and care for them.
She needs to give it back, especially if she verbally committed to such in front of witnesses.
That being said, being that he's a lawyer, he should have gotten it in writing.
I honestly feel the woman should give the ring back...however, I think the saps that spent that money on the ring , thinks, somewhere in their mind, that maybe she'll come back if I let her keep it....
Sike, she done pawned it...*lol*
Dynasty, boguishly is indeed a word in the Chi...*lol* I feel you on that, if he wronged you to the highest power as you stated....as long as you're not the one calling it off or being boguish, then you should keep it...hell!! But I wouldn't keep it, it would be pawned, as previously stated. Besides, I don't want a constant reminder or a ring that doesn't symbolize nothing, but I got done boguish...
i'm not sure if anyone answered the question, so i'll pose it again:
- does it matter whose fault it is in terms of returning the ring?
obviously, if she cheated on you...but if you cheated on her, would you still ask for the ring back?
what if y'all had been married for more than 5 years? is there a statue of limitations on asking the ring back?
Amen!!!!
I agree with the last comment and the ring should be given back.
The ring should be given back...no matter who breaks off the engagement...
It was always my understanding that the ring is a gift, and unless it is a family heirloom it remains in the woman's posession regardless of who or when the engagement is ended.
Now, we've all seen those dramatic exchanges on TV where the ring is thrown back, flushed, or tossed overboard - always leaves me in shock and awe - 1. that's money, and at some point there was some sort of feeling behind giving and receiving of the ring, and I think that should be respected.
Personally, I'm only human and just a woman, so it would depend on the situation whether I'd return the ring to be a constant reminder to him of the 'shoulda, coulda, woulda,' or whether it becomes part of the down payment on my MD condo.
Many a young woman and her family have been left holding the bag when a groom fails to show up at the alter, after taking the traditional role of paying for the wedding, which is why in some places you can purchase wedding insurance. Being caught in either situation is unfortunate, but such is life, sometimes.
Proper Etiquette is written as such: If the female ends the engagement she should always give the ring back. If the male ends it, there's just no guarantees for his ass. She may or may not give it back.
Personally, I wouldn't want his funky ass ring if he decided he didn't want to marry me, but that's me.
To be honest, I don't get the whole engagement/wedding ring deal in the first place.
As Etta James said "Don't buy me diamonds, when it's shoes I need." Although I'd prefer something more like a car.. or a down payment on a house.
Just sayin.
LMAO!!! Call me Hacksaw?!?! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh goodness. I'd have to say again I agree. There's absolutely no reason to keep the ring. I wouldn't wanna keep it... unless of course he fucked up in a serious way in which case, yeah. I'm keeping the ring. And probably pawning it.
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