Question from Essence Cutie: Dear Man Law, I went through plenty of your blogs, and I didn't find this subject. Maybe I missed it. However, here it is. A lot of my friends are practicing celibacy in their relationships and they are happier than ever. I have strong feeling about it and it's worth considering. What are your views on this subject? How do your male friends feel about it. When is a good time to let him know, the beginning of the relationship or after a couple of dates?
Brother's Manlaw Response: Celibacy is not for every man or woman for that matter (AND IT CERTAINLY ISN'T FOR ME) and if I can speak for the majority of my male friends it isn't for them either. I might not want to have sex with you the first time I meet you but if there is a physical attraction and you have the personality to match the physical, I'm going to want to have sex with you at some point.
And if sex isn't on the table, it might be a deal breaker for me. I don't put a time frame on having sex with a woman and I can't stand women that have these silly 30, 60 or 90-day rules (yeah they read that silly chapter in Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady: Think Like A Man") because you can't put a time frame on sex. It never works. You have to go with your instincts to know when the moment is right or not. If you continue to make bad decisions on who to have sex with, then maybe you need to stop having sex altogether. But that's another blog topic for another day.
Now, if you are a woman and you believe in celibacy and it is a deal breaker for you then I think it is fair topic for discussion on Date 3 or after. Now, one more important thing on the celibacy issue. If you are going to claim you are celibate...you must STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY and you can't tease a man or go anywhere close to crossing that line. Because if you do that...eventually you will cross that line and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.
6 comments:
I appreciate your response. I been waiting on a "Mature" man's perspective about this subject and I feel you answered it perfectly. I just know some of my friends feel if they tell the guy they want to wait until marriage, they will scare them away. My advice to them, if he is really into you, he is willing to wait.
@Essence Cutie...True. If a woman tells me she's not going to have sex with me until we are married. I probably won't stick around! Now, I'm speaking for myself only, but I need to have good sex in a relationship. And if after I say I do...and we finally do have sex and it isn't good...that's going to cause a problem later down the line and it might force me to cheat. So, I'm going to need a preview of what I'll be seeing for the rest of my life.
@Essence Cutie: Celibacy scares A LOT of men away, but if that is the deal breaker, do you really want/NEED to be with that person? (No offense to the blog host)
You could reply, well I don't know, they left before I could find out! But that goes into a whole other topic of women not paying attention/listening to what the man IS, and trying to change him into what you want. I'm not saying that man is incapable of meaningful relationship with someone, but at present, its not you.
Find like minded men, and women to be around for that matter - which it seems your friends are. Birds of a feather flock together, if you are around your super sexual girlfriend too much, you will only attract sexually driven men, who will either make it difficult to remain celibate or discourage you because of the attitude you get when they can't "break" you.
@SPChrist: I don't put those with a sex vetting period in the same category as those choosing celibacy. In your opinion its silly, but I am sure you have some stalkers now you slept with that you wish you had taken the 30 days to find out how nuts she really was and saved the drama. Consider the period partly for your well being as well as hers.
@LaPreghiera...No offense taken. lol. I'm proud to say that I've never slept with a woman that turned out to be a stalker.
There is nothing wrong with being celibate but prepared for the consequences. If he doesn't want to wait don't take it personal. Applaud him for his honesty. It would be unfair if he said he was waiting and all the while on the side he was getting his. That's not waiting. That is biding your time and keeping your options open.
@Meeka...totally agree with you one wanting someone to be honest on this topic.
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