Questions from the mailbag: Part 1

Question from reader: I'm in a relationship with a "good" man but the sex is horrible! Should I continue to fake it? Am I at fault for my partner being a terrible lover? Is it true you are only as good as your lover?" Question via Anonymous.

Brother's Manlaw Response: Part 1 of answer: No. You shouldn't continue to fake it. The first and most important reason is that you are not getting satisfied and I'm afraid that is probably going to lead you to cheat if you haven't already. The second reason is he doesn't know that he isn't pleasing you and that isn't good for him either. I highly recommend you have a heart to heart with him and don't begin the conversation with the dreaded phrase "WE NEED TO TALK" because the majority of men shutdown emotionally when a woman says that. Right after the next time you have dinner you take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom and you tell him...to just listen and watch you as you please yourself. Remember men are visual creatures. After a few minutes of this...you take his hands and guide them to your sweet spots. You whisper in his ear and tell him how much it turns you on that the man you care about caresses these sweet spots each time. Suggestion and Part 2 of answer: After one tutorial session where you lay your cards on the table so to speak, you watch to see what he does the next time you make love. If he really cares about you, he was paying attention and took mental notes of what you did and tries to repeat them the next time. If he forgets something just take his hand and guide them to the spot and if you think he needs vocal support...whisper it in his ear. Now, if he doesn't make any improvements over the course of the next 2-4 times you make love and you don't think he'll ever improve or he seems not to care about your feelings...you've got a big decision to make. Sex is usually a big part of a successful relationship to some people and if you are someone that believes that...you'll have to pick one or the other. If you think you are going to cheat, I would suggest you break up with him before you do cheat and search for someone that can satisfy you in the bedroom as well as satisfy you outside of it. Part 3 of the answer: You are not at fault for your partner being a terrible lover because some people are just selfish lovers, or they don't pay attention to what they are doing and how someone responds to them in bed. No, it isn't true that you are only as good as your lover.