Question from Essence Cutie: Dear Man Law, I went through plenty of your blogs, and I didn't find this subject. Maybe I missed it. However, here it is. A lot of my friends are practicing celibacy in their relationships and they are happier than ever. I have strong feeling about it and it's worth considering. What are your views on this subject? How do your male friends feel about it. When is a good time to let him know, the beginning of the relationship or after a couple of dates?
Brother's Manlaw Response: Celibacy is not for every man or woman for that matter (AND IT CERTAINLY ISN'T FOR ME) and if I can speak for the majority of my male friends it isn't for them either. I might not want to have sex with you the first time I meet you but if there is a physical attraction and you have the personality to match the physical, I'm going to want to have sex with you at some point.
And if sex isn't on the table, it might be a deal breaker for me. I don't put a time frame on having sex with a woman and I can't stand women that have these silly 30, 60 or 90-day rules (yeah they read that silly chapter in Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady: Think Like A Man") because you can't put a time frame on sex. It never works. You have to go with your instincts to know when the moment is right or not. If you continue to make bad decisions on who to have sex with, then maybe you need to stop having sex altogether. But that's another blog topic for another day.
Now, if you are a woman and you believe in celibacy and it is a deal breaker for you then I think it is fair topic for discussion on Date 3 or after. Now, one more important thing on the celibacy issue. If you are going to claim you are celibate...you must STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY and you can't tease a man or go anywhere close to crossing that line. Because if you do that...eventually you will cross that line and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Questions from the mailbag: Part 1
Question from reader: I'm in a relationship with a "good" man but the sex is horrible! Should I continue to fake it? Am I at fault for my partner being a terrible lover? Is it true you are only as good as your lover?" Question via Anonymous.
Brother's Manlaw Response: Part 1 of answer: No. You shouldn't continue to fake it. The first and most important reason is that you are not getting satisfied and I'm afraid that is probably going to lead you to cheat if you haven't already. The second reason is he doesn't know that he isn't pleasing you and that isn't good for him either. I highly recommend you have a heart to heart with him and don't begin the conversation with the dreaded phrase "WE NEED TO TALK" because the majority of men shutdown emotionally when a woman says that. Right after the next time you have dinner you take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom and you tell him...to just listen and watch you as you please yourself. Remember men are visual creatures. After a few minutes of this...you take his hands and guide them to your sweet spots. You whisper in his ear and tell him how much it turns you on that the man you care about caresses these sweet spots each time. Suggestion and Part 2 of answer: After one tutorial session where you lay your cards on the table so to speak, you watch to see what he does the next time you make love. If he really cares about you, he was paying attention and took mental notes of what you did and tries to repeat them the next time. If he forgets something just take his hand and guide them to the spot and if you think he needs vocal support...whisper it in his ear. Now, if he doesn't make any improvements over the course of the next 2-4 times you make love and you don't think he'll ever improve or he seems not to care about your feelings...you've got a big decision to make. Sex is usually a big part of a successful relationship to some people and if you are someone that believes that...you'll have to pick one or the other. If you think you are going to cheat, I would suggest you break up with him before you do cheat and search for someone that can satisfy you in the bedroom as well as satisfy you outside of it. Part 3 of the answer: You are not at fault for your partner being a terrible lover because some people are just selfish lovers, or they don't pay attention to what they are doing and how someone responds to them in bed. No, it isn't true that you are only as good as your lover.
Brother's Manlaw Response: Part 1 of answer: No. You shouldn't continue to fake it. The first and most important reason is that you are not getting satisfied and I'm afraid that is probably going to lead you to cheat if you haven't already. The second reason is he doesn't know that he isn't pleasing you and that isn't good for him either. I highly recommend you have a heart to heart with him and don't begin the conversation with the dreaded phrase "WE NEED TO TALK" because the majority of men shutdown emotionally when a woman says that. Right after the next time you have dinner you take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom and you tell him...to just listen and watch you as you please yourself. Remember men are visual creatures. After a few minutes of this...you take his hands and guide them to your sweet spots. You whisper in his ear and tell him how much it turns you on that the man you care about caresses these sweet spots each time. Suggestion and Part 2 of answer: After one tutorial session where you lay your cards on the table so to speak, you watch to see what he does the next time you make love. If he really cares about you, he was paying attention and took mental notes of what you did and tries to repeat them the next time. If he forgets something just take his hand and guide them to the spot and if you think he needs vocal support...whisper it in his ear. Now, if he doesn't make any improvements over the course of the next 2-4 times you make love and you don't think he'll ever improve or he seems not to care about your feelings...you've got a big decision to make. Sex is usually a big part of a successful relationship to some people and if you are someone that believes that...you'll have to pick one or the other. If you think you are going to cheat, I would suggest you break up with him before you do cheat and search for someone that can satisfy you in the bedroom as well as satisfy you outside of it. Part 3 of the answer: You are not at fault for your partner being a terrible lover because some people are just selfish lovers, or they don't pay attention to what they are doing and how someone responds to them in bed. No, it isn't true that you are only as good as your lover.
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