Dear Black Women,
Let me start of by saying this to you all: I love you and have so much respect for you all. I really do. The burdens you all carry are so great. You are definitely appreciated.
However, I have not been feeling the love from some of you. Lately, there seems to be a small, yet powerful and growing, movement of Black women who seem to hate/dislike or are disappointed in Black men. I have read so many articles,blogs and news reports about Black women saying Black men ain't sh*t/wont settle etc, Black men only like White women, Black men are less successful than Black women. It saddens me to see some of you say this. I feel the need to clarify and inform since many of these statements and feeling are inaccurate.
First, I will tackle the whole dating thing. I am hearing a lot from some Black women that "Men ain't sh*t" and all other variants of that. I feel that many of these women need to look in the mirror. One, quit trying to make someone into what you want instead of accepting them for who they are. Too many times we try to mold someone. It is not going to happen. Men give clear signals when they are not happy or don't want to commit. Pay attention, assess, then move on.. Secondly, that man might be a good man, just not the one for you. Incompatibility does not make someone a bad person, just a bad partner. Thirdly, many times we don't take the time to reflect on the damage we done. Many of the women who spew negativity need to take stock of the damage they have done; do some critical self-reflection. Take responsibility for the role you have play in the demise of your relationship.
The second issue I need to tackle is interracial dating. Black men are not "betraying" their race or Black women by dating outside their race. Black men do not "hate" Black women because they date outside their race. Let me tell you why some Black men date outside their race: numbers. Dating only Black women limits the pool. Expanding your pool to include women of other races expands the potential pool of mates. Quit reading your magazines, chatting with your girlfriends. They have the game all messed up. Black men love Black women. We really do. Dating outside the race does not mean we don't love you. We will still love and support Black women in any endeavors even if we date outside the race. Are some brothers self-loathers? Yes, but they are so few. It is not an epidemic of Black men who hate Black women. That is soooooooo wrong. So when you see a Black dude down the street with a woman of another color, don't hate. Be happy that he hopefully found someone and is able to create a happy and healthy relationship. Also, it takes more energy to be upset at that man than it is to find the right one for you.
Overall, I just want you all to know that I am worried. The movement of haters among Black women is growing. And if we hope to improve the condition of Black America, I need Black women to support the brothers. I need brothers to do the same.
Sincerely,
Epsilonicus
4 comments:
Good post...I've been saying this for a while...glad to see someone else sees this trend...
Hmm... you make a very valid point, but here is one out of many black women perspective of the issue.
As much as I love black men and find no problem with a black men dating outside the race, I do find a problem with black men bashing black women. I have heard a dozen times black men say "I don't do black women." That's cool until,"Black women have nasty attitude, they are needy, they don't do nothing for a brother." Now I have a problem. We may have problems, but has it ever occurred that those problems are stemmed from hmm... Black Men. LOL.
This just doesn't apply to all black men, but men in general who are quick to stick it in as they are to leave a woman if she comes up pregnant with his child. If you weren't ready to have a child, then you certainly shouldn't be ready for the actions to create the child.
All in all, I think my main issue with black men is accountability. Be responsible for your actions whether it involves procreating or relationships or growing up. I don't want to deal with a man that wants all the benefits yet cannot have the decency to be mine. Period.
@Miss Kahnception...fair enough.
@spchrist - I got fed up so I had to write something about this.
Miss Kahnception - Sorry it took a while to respond. Im on vacation :-)
...what you say is reasonable. The problem I have is how there seems to be this growing movement of bashing Black men in public and in the media. It is bad enough we already have a bad rap. Then Black women go ahead and add to it. It can give people a reason to feel their prejudices and stereotypes are justified.
Does this mean that Black women should put up with the stuff that they get from men? Not at all. But at least support us and work with us. Especially since the health of our romantic relationships depend on both of us.
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