During life men will meet a number of women. They will encounter women they are attracted to and there are women they will befriend.
We will focus on the combination of the two.
There is the notion that women women say they want the man that they love to be their best friend also.
There are some women who say that may not be the case.
It is my belief that women are full of shit when they say they want their man to also be their best friend.
When a woman meets a man they have three categories to place a man into:
A. Guys they want to immediately have sex with;
B. Guys they might be interested in having sex with;
C. Guys who will forever be emasculated into "friends" (translation: no sex -- ever -- no matter what you do or how hard you try.)
But the main reason that many men fall into the "friend" trap is because they act like friends at the outset of the relationship (or very soon after). Because they're shy, nervous around women, scared of rejection, insecure, or just desperate, they hesitantly hang around in the background, fumbling and sweating, hoping women will notice them and get the hint that they're interested.
In other words, they cloak their interest and shy away from openly declaring their sexual intentions. They are not sexually confident men. They don't want to expose themselves to rejection. But the truth is, you can't act like a friend and expect a woman to be attracted to you.
Women are attracted to male strength and masculinity (just as men are attracted to femininity). This is why bad boys (who are sexually confident men) are never friends -- they're always sexual partners.
However, women complain about these same "bad boys" as the men that they don't want
for a mate.
But men who are gentlemanly, accommodating, sincere and warm are the guys who are generally at the bottom of the totem pole.
MANLAW: Fellas be who you be.
I have been told by many women in my past that they didn't appreciate the person that I am because of their perceptions. But I have always been consistent in my approach to life. If you are a stone cold gentlemen be that. If you are like 50 Cent. Be who you be and don't let the ladies change who you are because if you change, you are living a lie for yourself and for your woman.
If you fall into that friend zone, don't fret, in the long run she will regret the label.
13 comments:
I find this to be a rather misguided assumption.
"But the truth is, you can't act like a friend and expect a woman to be attracted to you."
I have male friends, that have carried themselves as platonic friends from the outset. I'm attracted to some of them. And, many women would like to partner with men they find attractive on a variety of levels, the combination of which would comprise the ultimate friend -- the man you can hang with, talk with, relate to and f*ck at the same time -- long term. I'm nuts for a guy I've just been cool with for the duration of our acquaintance. And, in all reality, I prefer to get to know someone as friends beforehand -- to know how he carries himself, without him changing his behavior because he thinks he should act a certain way to get my attention.
Gotdamn Greg, you win at life. THANK YOU for this post.
I pulled out the notepad and started taking notes.
There was much to think about after this post, but damn that being relegated to the friend position.
Ok fellas, just because he is a "bad boy," does not mean he is sexually confident. It means that sex is the only way he knows how to interact with women, in a physical way. These "bad boys" are just as messed up in the head as the women who constantly mess with them.
Yes fellas, you need to say what's on your mind if you like the chick or just wanna fuck. She might just want to have sex to. Hopefully not, but I agree with BZ, this is a bit misguided G.
50 points. Every guy who ever tried to be "nice" has watched that "bad boy" character swing back and forth through womens lives. And you may have been the one to hear her complain about him...but women will go for those dudes. SEEN IT A MILLION TIMES. Been in both positions. Honesty puts me somewhere in the middle. I call it trying to live that image that women say they want...that image that comes through in songs. Usually women want that in retrospect...after romps with the bad boy.
I guess I'm a different type of lady because I've never relegated a single man to the friend zone because he did not attempt to get with me or any of the reasons you list. The brothers I consider "friend only" are those I'm simply not attracted to. It's not at all about whether they're too shy to talk to me or too gentlemanly that knocks them out of any perceived running; it's the absence of chemistry. No shades of grey in chemistry with me. It's black or white. Either I'm feeling you or I'm not. And I've been attracted to enough gentlemen that makes this a nonissue for me. I've also never once regretted "labeling" a man as friend only. Ain't like I couldn't simply "unlabel" him if I felt so inclined. But I do agree that men should be themselves and nothing less.
Let the congregation say AMEN!
This post is definitely misguided. Equating a mans masculinity on the basis of how much sex he has/how many women are initially sexually attracted to him is a poor level of measurement. And it could have nothing to do with sex, a person could be sweaty and nervous around everybody (though I've heard about the studies and things that say if a man has sex before he goes to work he does better -blah, blah, blah).
What if women wanted to rate manliness on the QUALITY of the sex, then us, just like the military would be looking for a few good men and coming up short in recruiting !!!
Yeah, some guys will have to 'man-up' if they want to take their relationship with a woman to a non-platonic level. That means, as several have already stated, being respectfully straight forward and honest about your intentions and pursuits. Women are intuitive creatures to where we see your little signs and read into your little innuendos, but after a couple of those haven't moved us, unless you are prepared to step up & change the status quo and accept my response, things will remain the same. Only thing mannish, potty mouthed, bad boys get is a smack across the face and a swift knee to the gonads from me.
And your final point after the issuing of the "MANLAW," what is that about?
Your post started off like it was going into how to avoid or get out of the friendship circle to, just deal with where you are cause ain't a thang you can do about it. You copped out at the end, Slim.
Imma co-sign on Dynasty's post too!!
Notice the responses on this post.
All the men agree. All the women agree.
Not surprising at all.
LoL @ Dynasty.
Kinda Tricky ... I agree with post for the most part.
If a guy has been my friend long enough, with a little training he ain't no one elses.
"Be you," is a grand sentiment but often, that ain't enough, or rather you ain't packaging yourself right.
If more guys asked girls why they are stuck in the zone and took their advice, they'd be as lucky as my boys!
The key is balance though -- agreed you can't be a 'sap' but you can't be a straight up thuggist netheir.
For some strange reason, I agree with this post and the general male perspective regarding this. Scary for a woman who describes herself as a "feminist" of sorts but oh well.
I've been with men who I wasn't immediately physically attracted to and the common denominator was that they ALL pursued me in a non-platonic, confident, aggressive (not ANNOYING) way and this is what attracted me to them. Seriously. Any man who behaves in a meek or timid manner will not get anywhere with me sexually or relationship wise.
I personally need a guy to treat me with a CLEARLY RECOGNIZABLE romantic or passionate interest to avoid being relegated to the friend zone.
most of my friends are male. most of them made a move early in the friendship but after they realized they weren't getting any, they fell into the friendzone. they did it voluntarily though.
you make a good point about the involuntary 'friend zone' constituent, that dude who's been wanting the panties but hasn't made a play and now that initial meeting is over, he has been delegated to that "friend she talk to about other guys".
you right...brotha need to make a move if he wanna get in, then at least the sista knows where he stands. i've had a number of "really? i had no idea you felt that way about me back then" type conversations with brothas who told me after years of friendship that they wanted to hit it in the beginning. what a WASTE.
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