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Ok....we know the ladies have mastered the arts of having their Wingpersons...be he gay man, lady friend, or Mother Hen types, they WILL ruin the fun for everyone because you don't deviate from the plan that was agreed upon when everyone was less horny and drunk. But we men have allowed homophobia and cuckolding women to break up the bond and merit of the beloved "wingman."
I'm reminded of the old Bud Light commercial with the two brothers on a double dinner date when another honey catches one's eye. For those who don't know the Wingman has a different responsibility than the Wingwoman.
Therefore I feel it's my responsibility to offer a refresher course and outline the rules.
WINGMAN RULES
1) It's best to establish before going out who is to "take one for the team" or who is "overdue" for his Leadman role.
2) The Wingman is a mutual role for all parties involved. Unless agreed upon before hitting the scene, whomever gets the hookup first (Leadman), the other(s) must collectively support Leadman until the mission is accomplished.
3) Leave your heart at home. If you're thinking about a lost or distant love, suck it up and be a Wingman to your boy!
4) No cock blockin'! If you're boy already has an in with a lady you've had an eye on, you have 2 options; A) let your boy know and leave it up to HIM to step back (no forcing him to) or B) stick to your duties as a Wingman and act faster next time.
SETTING UP
1) If the decision is made that a spokesperson from the group is to introduce you to the cutie (clearing the brushes if you will), the lead man is NOT, repeat NOT to make eye contact or ever look in the general direction of target until the spokesperson returns. Leadman/Setup should busy himself in convincing conversation...preferably with a woman. Exceptions to the "return" rule include the phone text or another Wingman giving him the "clear."
2) Once the Leadman has an in, the others must do what's necessary to keep things on track. Once Leadman is set, next Leadman is given support.
Group Guys & Group Ladies Mingle:
1)Under NO circumstances are any two couples to hold a private conversation. Two couple break off are the minimum group reduction.
2)Women will find weak Wingman and cause him to divulge the group's weakness, shattering everyone's prospects once word reaches Mother Hen. Answer and/or avoid personal questions about you or wing men accordingly when on the dance floor.
3)NEVER answer a question about your boy unless it's a 100% positive image answer. Questions about other Wingman are answered ONLY in the paired up couple or group presence.
4)Never bicker about money or who is picking up the tab in front of the ladies. Cover your broke ass wingman and cash him out later!
5)Never flash cash in front of the ladies.
Disseminating Information:
1) Always check your Wingman for the grooming keys regularly: hair, collar, fly, breath, sweat, straight clothing. Bring it to their attention ASAP and as discreetly as possible!
2) Children, marriage, pregnancies, smoking, ugly feet, bad breath, bulge between legs, Adam's apple, bad teeth, man hater, possible lesbian, stuffed bras, and weaves should be brought to the attention of ALL members ASAP!! Especially the Leadman. If he looks bad, everyone looks bad! *see below on ABORT PROTOCOL*
3) Needless to say, while looking out for what you like, if you catch a honey eying your boy, you let him know.
4) Always share the eye candy love. Hoggin' up the long legs, Dancefloor Queen, braless honey, or jigglin' butt will get your wings clipped and or "set up" with a #2.
5) NEVER point, provide GOOD landmarks. "9 o'clock in red dress about 5' 7"" Making your boy(s) look all over the place makes the whole group look bad and hungry. Exception to the pointing rule is when a "quick look or miss it " reaction is needed. Do NOT abuse this exception.
ABORT PROTOCOL:
1) Choosing to abort an ongoing "get to know" MUST have agreed approval of at least 2 Wingman before initiating. This is to confirm that reasons for aborting are within the rules of engagement and/or weighed against the potential and likely results of continuing engagement.
2) Abort Level is to be determined 1) GET HIM OUTTA THERE ASAP 2) He's been over there long enough, save that for getting to know later b/c we have bigger fish to fry OR we got a better hook up for him 3) Bring it to his attention and let him make his own decision.
3) The Wingman currently not engaged in a "fast track" conversation with a woman, is to do whatever is necessary to bring the information and recommendation of the group to the Leadman without causing a scene.
PRESENCE
1) make sure each and every pose you hold says MAN. Just like when dancing, never have your arms or hands looking restless.
2) Give your boys room. This ain't Football, no need to huddle. Plus real men take up space they don't need even in a crowd, cuz who's gonna tell them they can't? NO ONE that's who!
3) No staying together for more than 5 min. Good conversation or not, just as lead conversation is to be shared, so is the "lookout" role. Share the responsibility of being the "one" who ventures out to the "chickenhead" cluck group gathered up in the corner or by the bar. Every once in a while, just straight break up and scout the place.
Fellas.....anything I miss?
