Well it's time for me to get back on the horn here. My main man Conscious has been taking a beating, but he is still standing. I am also back on my blog at www.leejournalism.blogspot.com.
But lets get down to business.
It is always interesting when I debate with a good friend who shall remain nameless.
The last debate was on women and weight.
So she asks me: "So Greg, do I look fat?"
"Then she says be careful how you answer"
People know me. I will say what I have to say and have no fear of punishment.
But I said "You look fine, you are always fine" but, you could lose a couple of pounds.
She then gets mad and say you are not supposed to say that to a woman.
See this is what I have a problem with. This is another Burger King situation. You can't have it your way all the time.
What do I mean?
Women always say they want our honest opinion. They don't want to be lied to.
But when it comes to weight, they want you to be PC or come up with a sweet way to say no dear, you look fine.
Or dear, I am going to the gym because I need to work it out and I need you to come with me to provide inspiration.
Why do I have to use some mind game to get yo ass to the gym?
I thought women wanted honesty?
So which is it ladies?
23 comments:
I'm with MasterCleansers. I know I'm chubby and I don't have a problem with it. I do enjoy working out (on my own, and regularly). I won't ask a man, "Do I look fat?" Why? Because I already know the answer. If a woman wants to know whether a man finds her attractive, she should ask him that. If he says yes, then great. If not, so what? Move on to the next brotha that likes full-figured women. Tell the truth. Honesty is the best policy.
G: You already know the truth, which is to say "they can't handle the truth!"
This applies not only to being fat, but to how you feel about them, what they have on, where you went last nite and why you don't want to talk to their asses no mo'.
But let's get to the real heart of the problem, which ain't the women. We know how they'll act. The real issue is these guys who call themselves men but capitulate to this behavior all the time, telling women what they want to hear instead of the truth and in the process feeding this bullshit belief that "you aren't supposed to tell a woman that."
The hell I'm not. If you look like you ate too many Twinkies, if all I wanted from you was the Billy Clint Relaxation Treatment, or I just really don't feel like talking to you -- and you ASK me to tell you the truth about any of these things -- be prepared to hear it.
this is a tough one.
i don't think this is a question women should ask. but then, i don't think you should ask any question you might not want the answer to.
at the same time, i think there's a way to tell a woman she's "a biscuit away" without coming across as an asshole. i would want my best friend to do it, and i would want my boyfriend/husband/sig other to say something, too.
cause i'll definitely say something to him if he's out of control! people like attractive people, and for some people, that means people whose bodies look a certain way.
but as one of my friends is fond of pointing out, don't act like you're not cool with someone looking a certain way and then still hit! if you would still hit and you are with them, they still look OK in your mind!
of course i'm hot, so none of this applies to me.
Up with BZ and Hizzle.
Most chicks who ask the question already know the answer to it. So in reality, they can't get upset when their boybabydaddyspecialniggafriend tells them the truth.
Just don't ask the question if you don't want your feelings hurt.
And if you think you might be tipping the scales more than you (or your man) would like, then do something about it.
Like BZ, I'm delightfully soft, and like Hizzle, I'm hot. I won't be asking your opinion, 'cause for real, it doesn't really matter much to me. Either you fux with it or you don't. And if you don't... ah well.
:-)
I also have to kind of agree w/ Pimp. Often, women (in their nosey nature) will ask questions to which they cannot handle the answers constructively. And, if they are the type of person who does not take responsibility for her reactions to such information, they'll react irrationally.
However, it is also the responsibility of a man not to lead a woman on. If he doesn't find her attractive, he doesn't need to be hitting it and stringing her along. Often times, men don't like to answer such questions from women, because they don't like the answers much themselves (because it's putting the truth to which they're not manning up - in their faces).
I'm all with honesty, but I don't think you have to be an asshole while being honest. You can tell a person the truth without hurting their feelings...use tact. Especially, when your shit ain't all in order.
I also think that sometimes women just want to hear something good so that they won't feel so bad. A man needs to be able to discern that. Just like when a man loses his job. Do you want your woman to tell you that you can't take care of the family and real man wouldn't have ever lost his job or would you perfer that she say...Damn you messed up, but I'll support you and help you find another one. That's all it boils down to...not trying to hurt a person when you have the power to build them up instead.
And...
No matter how much self-esteem each one of us has, we all get down on ourselves from time to time and we all need is a pick me up, a kind word, or hug when we're feeling that way.
Ok, Dynasty, I hear you, but there's a difference between a man losing his job and a woman pining for compliments. How many men would lose his job and then come home and go "Baby, do you think I'm a really shitty provider?"
Not. Gonna. Happen. We know women are all too prone to saying shit directly meant to slice your balls long and sideways when you're already down. Again, what it boils down to is saying what you mean and not asking questions you don't want the answer to. If you need a hug -- say it with me -- ASK FOR A HUG. Don't ask if your floating devices are a little less full this year than they were last.
Remember, I'm not a mindreader. Never will be.
Ladies...don't ask me a question that you really don't want the answer to...because I'm gonna tell you about yourself.
Well, PGS, everyone shows there vulnerabilities differently and if you have a woman you are expected, at least I expect you to recognize and respect them. Not kick a person while they're down. You'd be surprised how much of an impact words have on people.
I will agree that a person shouldn't ask a question they don't want the answer to, though.
You have to take into consideration the woman you're dealing with. Some, very few, but some, will want the truth. That doesn't mean you have to say "yeah baby you're fat as a cow." But that certainly doesn't mean you should tell her she's on the verge of looking anorexic when she's really busting out of her jeans. But most women do ask for honesty when what they really want is to be coddled. One day they'll learn the difference.
But what bothers me is that if these women are willing to take a glossed over white lie, what are they willing to gloss over? Will they gloss over their financial situation and tell you they're in a "lil debt"? Or at least that's what I tell my male friends.
If I ever asked a loaded question, I want the truth, but that would be me testing your honesty. Unlike some people, I feel I have a secure grip on reality, and if I know you, I can gauge what your honest answer will be.
After 2X years, I have accepted Brothers can't articulate things as tactfully as possible (nothing a little time with a dictionary or thesaurus couldn't fix). Then there is also the delivery - because emotion is not your strong point, and body language - raising an eye brow after the question like the Rock is not always a sexy thang...
Life's too short to be tip toeing around, but they say the power of life and death is in the tongue. There are some questions in a persons mind that do not have to vocalize that can be answered without a word being heard. A smart woman does not have to ask the weight question specifically cause a man's actions will speak for him. You know him and what he likes, so don't play dumb when his affection wanes, he asks you to wear that favorite outfit that Stevie Wonder could see will no longer fit, or a $1000 stair climber appears in your living room. Only thing left to is make a decision, 'am I OK if he wants to go'.
One thing that is irksome are the Unsolicited comments or inferences. Those I can not abide, and since I care not for the male ego the response might be a "Who asked you, n---a!".
U already know how i felt about it..but u shouldnt have said that. U hafta be tactful and by u witholding the information means u held it in and always wanted to say something but she allowed you to get it out.
I always ask if im FAT, and i know im far from FAT but i know i could use some work. IN my case, its everybody telling me i look fine when i look in the mirror and see something different but nobody wont tell me even after i point out the problem
Turn it around money, My response, "what do you think" let her draw a conclusion. Answering will either put you in a bad position or make you say something you don't believe.
My boy sent me this response.
Anything you can do to avoid telling the truth in a raw way might be the best way to go.
It's not your job/responsibility to tell ole girl that she needs to shed a few linebackers, just like it's not the responsibility of various commenters on the blog to tell you that a little more finesse might have been in order when responding to the anxious beefy.
The difference, of course, is that the various commentators on the blog are more than ready to weigh in on your style question (to the point of overeagerness), in contrast to the inherent pitfalls of the substance of her question.
My recommendation would be to answer the question with a question. Or with a battery of questions. Why do you need to know? Am I the best person to make that judgement? Are you unhappy with your body? Why? What do you plan to do about it? How will that make her life better?
Hate to go Dr. Drew, but there are better areas in which to assert your manhood.
Me personally, I ain't gonna ask, cause I know I will get the eyebrow or flat out get fussed at. I really, really don't like my body, but it's all in the head. This I know and have decided to keep it to myself until I can clear it out.
Ladies, it's hard when we see this bullshit around us as far as how we are portrayed. And even though we know it ain't us, it's still there. ALL. THE. TIME. So I'll just keep my hangups to myself and hope for a man that likes to hug and compliment until it all goes away. :)
I am strong believer in the truth.
If someone asks me a question I'll tell them the truth, but I am sensitive to and respectful of other people's feelings.
If you say f their feelings, it'll come back to you.
By the same token people should be able to look in a mirror they come in all shapes and sizes. If they want to change or be changed, they'll do what it takes. Self-respect, confidence, and self-esteem will most certainly lead to self-actualization.
Go ahead and be honest.
The woman you spoke with clearly didn't have enough sense to accept the truth.
There are plenty of other women wh do, so just keep being you.
Okay i tried that reverse scenario last nite..somebody asked me why i was single i asked him why he was single....so that ask a question with a question thing is effective
I agree with some. I definitely don't ask the question b/c I don't wanna hear your answer, and I already know it.
But the problem here is, she's not asking the right question. She should've asked, "Am I still attractive/desirable even though I have extra luggage?" In the case of a relationship, it would be the same, "Do you still love me/want me/find me attractive even though I put on weight." That's what girls wanna hear when they ask that question.
Idk about the barrage of questions after a question. Actually, wasn't that one of the previous Manlaw posts? Not answering a question with a question? That would make me think you're trying to come up with a lie. But I understand it.
And I imagine, the way the answer was phrased, other males have had similar answers, and that probably leads to a lot of girls becoming anorexic. I bet someone said it to Nicole Ritchie, and now look at her.
all i got to say is...
you bros are trying to be all gangsta like you can take the truth serum, too.
here's one sit-chi-ation that will make this piece mighty silent...
um, so what kind of tact yall want when you ask us how good you are in bed?
methinks some of y'all can dish it out, but can't take it. cuz here's betting u really don't want us to answer that question as gangsta as some of you are trying to address the fat question.
just sayin'...
If we don't bring it in bed, then tell us. We can either learn or move on... but one thing for sure, we will try to get ours.
You know there is a train the stops every 10 minutes.
But we can handle the truth.
That's exactly what I meant to add in my comment J.
You want us to tell you size doesn't matter. Sometimes, it doesn't. But it is a HUGE factor (if you wanna take that as a pun, you can) in whether things will be more enjoyable. There's nothing you can learn, outside of using other body parts, that could make the experience more enjoyable, so yeah, you'd definitely have to move on to someone that can work with your equipment.
I'd just say, "Well..." Then I'd smile, raise one eyebrow, and she'd get the picture.
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