Meet Cindy, my homegirl who moved from Boston to San Diego about a year ago. Cindy's cool people for any number of reasons, but she added one to the list today.
See, Cindy, as she describes it, has the "worst spoiling tendencies" when it comes to her man. Today she's planning a trip for she and her guy to go to Hawaii -- all on her. Let's take a step back for a minute here -- Cindy's no pushover, despite what the name suggests. She's a multiethnic, edgy chic from Dorchester (those of you from Boston will get the implication of that off top), who's petite but with a body, easy on the eyes and soft spoken but who drag races in her spare time and could likely kick the ass of half the men I know my size.
Given that, it was surprising to hear her talking about the fact that outside of racing and her other "normal" exploits, that Cindy also enjoys "...knowing I can splurge on a guy...cooking, baking, and tons of gifts all the time." Makes her feel good, she says. I'll bet it makes him feel good, too.
But it did give me a lot of questions, though. Women my age and younger, at least many of those I've met, ain't exactly what I'd call the "cater to my man" set, regardless of what Beyonce sings about. If they are, it's usually attached to some condition or another, as in 'he's got to prove himself before he deserves, x, y, or z', or 'he's got to be great in bed to deserve breakfast'. Rarely have I heard a woman speak of wanting to spoil a man because of how it made her feel.
Cindy, though, apparently had a better role model than some of the other women I know.
"I learn from my mother, that's how she keeps my dad in love with her
after 34 years. Many women think that they're the ones that need to be
spoiled, but men need affection too. A bj and stuff in the bedroom can
only do so much. Plus, my bf is helpless in the kitchen. I just also
happen to love cooking and baking, it calms me down. It also makes it
easier when I am with a high maintenance guy who loves expensive
clothes, jewelry, cologne, and the occasional getaways. Whenever I go
out with my girls shopping, I always find something for HIM as well. So
for valentine's day, I'm surprising him with a trip to Hawaii, a package
to an all inclusive resort, and some clothes for the vacation."
Ladies, got them notebooks out?
23 comments:
I like Cindy. That'll make you wanna work for it.
You know Cindy should get her own TV show, something along the lines of Desparate Housewives for singles!
I have to say I find it a bit upsetting that Cindy is such a rare commodity nowadays.
I'ma fan of the Cindys in the world. Ah well.
I love to cook and bake (as you know). It is calming/therapeutic. I enjoy spoiling someone. It does make me feel good to do those things. But, I also have to feel as though my efforts are not being taken for granted -- as they so often have in the past. To do so in vain isn't emotionally healthy--for anyone. Consideration and appreciation are key. If I'm in the kitchen hooking up a great freakin meal, the least you could do is offer to keep me company or even help out. I'd probably decline. But it's the consideration that is valued so much. If I'm coordinating a vacation or weekend away, show that you're vested in it with a small surprise (ex. suggesting/executing sexual activities are always fun and appreciated, lol).
Cindy sounds like a helluva catch. Not all women are like her, and not all women will be or have to be, but it is dope to see a woman do nice stuff for her dude because she truly loves him, not just for other reasons.
I need to find me a Cindy!
He proved himself when he made you his girl. It is not easy for a man to go through the collections of girls in this world and call ONE for himself.
And when it's unconditional love, you do things for them without asking for anything in return. It's called "unselfish love". Love means taking chances and doing things that may be risky, but despite that, you do it because of the emotions that are inside.
A man will feel like he doesn't have to do anything in return for you if you do something nice for him and then harass and scold him to return the favor. Let it come naturally, who knows, maybe when you come home one day, he may have a gift waiting for you...JUST BECAUSE.
My first response is SO...
There is a TON of ways to look at this post, but in brief...
What works in her house, may not work in mine. You don't know what she and her man went thru to get to this point.
Not a lot of men your age, younger, or OLDER would be able to handle the type of women Cindy & I are ;)(not saying I do all Cindy wants to do - I am Athena, I do what Athena does, and that's pretty special too, if you knew me)- whoever this brotha is, he must have some game...check yourselves, fellas. If you, like the author, don't know more women like Cindy, check your surroundings too...
Guys are bitchin' or upset cos they can't, see, find, and ain't got a Cindy.
AHHHH
You probably do not deserve one!
You wanna pay attention to Cindy's MAN before you put her 'love' on a pedastool. It did not just come from nowhere! You and many men here could learn A LOT from him!
I would welcome a man who inspired that type of love from me.
Like all things worthwhile, one has to earn it. And instead of lusting after Cindy you should consider making the neceassary changes to get one just like her.
I agree with "gooders girl" in that most things we want have to be earned.
I recently read this and posted it atop my computer monitor.
"If the grass looks greener on the other side pull out a hose and some fertilizer. Yours can be green like that too!" - Unknown
In the end I'd love to be spoiled, but I'd love to do the spoiling.
We need to clone Cindy!
The hilarious thing about this post is that to a person, the only people I've talked to that responded negatively to it are black women. I'm certain to have offended a ton of people by saying that, but let's call spades spades: I've shown this to people of all races and both genders, and literally the only ones who seemed to take issue with Cindy's philosophy about how she treats her man -- or with my telling of the story -- have been sistas. Single ones at that. That's telling in and of itself, but I digress.
More specifically, though, I'd like to address two comments made here. To Athena Nike, a little advice: try not to take things so personally. My post was a story and nothing but -- if what Cindy does in her house ain't what you do in yours, that's all good. But the assumption that "the author [doesn't] know more women like Cindy"? C'mon now. Last time I checked, we don't know each other, so you assuming how many women I know who spoil their man is a lot like me assuming you don't know how to do so. And we don't want to play that game, do we?
Gooders, I don't know where to start with your post. "You probably don't deserve one..." Hmm. Again, you know me?
"You wanna pay attention to Cindy's MAN before you put her 'love' on a pedastool (btw, that's not how that word is spelled)... You and many men here could learn A LOT from him!"
If you were to talk to Cindy, she'd tell you a few things about me, none of which includes that I don't know how to treat a woman or don't deserve one who'd spoil me.
Can we get just a little humility up in here? I mean, for once, it'd be great if instead of shooting the messenger for stating the obvious -- that men like women who like to spoil men -- some of the sistas just sat back and said, "OK, point taken."
No, sir
I am not one for games.
If you inferred my response as taking your post personal, you are quite mistaken.
But now you did say...
"Women my age and younger, at least many of those I've met, ain't exactly what I'd call the "cater to my man" set "
" Rarely have I heard a woman speak of wanting to spoil a man because of how it made her feel."
"Cindy, though, apparently had a better role model than some of the other women I know."
Cindy is not the Madonna, so their are & will be others out there, but if your current acquaintances, or enough of your current acquaintances don't resemble Cindy, you might need to check where you stay at....
To quote the folk song 'cindy in the spring time, cindy in the fall, if I can't have my own cindy, I'll have no girl at all..."
Goes to show you a lot of people took this blog personally.
Spoiling doesn't mean you love the person, but it does mean you care and you WANT someone to be happy. It doesn't always mean you have to spend a fortune either. Men are simple creatures, taking time to do something nice for them will put a smile on their faces.
Treat others the way you want to be treated and the favor will be returned, if not...you picked the wrong person to be with. You get what you give...you don't give, you don't get. Simple as that.
If you want to "punish" someone by not giving them anything because they have to earn it...don't even bother being in a relationship, stay single! Who said to start a relationship with bitterness and walk around with a chip on your shoulder, thinking "well he has to EARN IT"? Is that what you call the honeymoon stage of your relationship?
It's different for everyone, they're all opinions, don't bother attacking people just because you disagree. Don't get defensive and start swinging.
Man, there are sooo many things Id like to say! lol Cindy's behavior doesnt make me upset or defensive, but it does make me wonder about her psyche (just call me Margaret Mead). Your comments do bother me a bit, but, hey, youre entitled to your own opinion.
I think the thing Im taking away from this post is that Ive been like Cindy in the past, and Id LOVE to get a little Cindy on in the present, but I have no one to "Cindy-ize." Just because you know how and want to "take care" of a man, doesnt ensure that youll always have one.
if it's not hurting cindy, who gives a fuck?
seriously, folks are reading this like ol' girl is a FOB who is chained to a radiator at dude's crib. was it not clear that this is a woman who isn't doing shit she doesn't want to do -- that she's in this for what makes her happy, too?
anyway, personally, i'm all for representing for folks who are worth my time and effort, until they prove that they aren't.
up with cindy.
1) I don't need to know you to comment about your blog. It's Public! In addition, this is the bitch ass defence nearly all posters on this site use!
2)Show me your words I will tell you who you are!
3)Don't be a coward and pretend you posted this piece about your dream woman innocently!
You know most of your female readership is black! The responses were not negative per se it was the way in which you juxtaposed "Cindy's love" agianst "deficientnt love"...the love of black women.
Anyway, you have cearly not received Cindy type adoration from a woman.
I KNOW! I can spot a hurtin' precious negro anywhere!
4)The love of your life probably fucked you over so bad you are still reeling, hence wanting to experience Cindy's type of love.
Suck it UP!
5)Like I said, make the necessarry(is that how you spell it edjamacted pimp?) adjustments and I am sure in time you will be worthy of Cindy's affection.
6) You clearly missed the point 'bruh' and you ain't no PIMP! or you would have a Cindy and not be bitchin'!
You need to chat to her man!
7)The issue is not whether or not you know how to treat a woman. I'm sure you're a great guy!
However, you are either choosin' the wrong women or your love is not strong enough to inspire Cindy type affection.
8)Up your game precious negro. You sound stuck -- Cindy's man will be able to help.
If he is worthy of Cindy, I am sure he has a pearl of wisdom or two.
Gooders: Wow. That post was so immature, I'd be a fool to respond. I'll let you stand on your own on that one.
okay, so my girls peered into your blog and GOT FIRED UP by cindy's "cater to her man" philosophy. they asked me to write a little "response"... i did... and it's posted to my blog (just in time for valentine's day).
preface: i ain't necessarily knocking cindy and her philosophy because i understand that your post didn't look at her relationship with her dude holistically. but, you might find the perspective that a few single brothers shared with me of interest...
check me out -- http://uhoh-hehe-ahha.blogspot.com
Dude!
You're a 'fool' whether you respond or not! If you are going to post inflamatory pieces "back yuh talk" and don't be so spineless.
There are many women who post here that will not let you get away with mindless male BS unchallenged.
PS. I tried really hard, I hope I spelled everything correctly!
dare I get down on this conversation as well?
look, i ain't got no problem with what cindy did. i took my man to hawaii a couple years ago and tried to spoil him rotten while we were out tehre. i don't mind buying him things or doing those little things to let him know i'm paying attention to him and his needs. that's what being in a relationship is all about. i give unselfishly of myself and whatever resources i have at my disposal. he does the same. what's the big deal?
now, can you do this for every man? of course not. but a man can't spoil every woman, either. bottom line is, both men and women have to earn their stripes in a relationship. if you got a broke bitch mentality, you can't expect a man to treat you to champagne wishes. if you are deserving and carry yourself with respect, you will get that respect and unconditional love in return. that's the way it works.
and even when you're just dating, there is nothing wrong with taking him out. sometimes, you got to flip your game up.
we black women spend a lot of time wondering why black men are dating outside the race. one reason is that other women don't have the same hang-ups that us black women sometimes do. it's been drilled in our heads that a black man has to do for us if he wants to be with us. that's fine. but what are we doing for them? that's the other half of the question that isn't always answered.
i've tried this before after a long love affair of being spoiled...I switched it up..and it went un-noticed in fact he chose a younger girl because he felt like she needed him more..aint that some shit..because I did/was able to do so much for him he felt I didn't need him...
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