So I came across a real thought provoking email from this brother, who will remain nameless.
(written by a brother)
Bottom line--if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care. (I stopped doing that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch. Once a man scratches, he's through. He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it. He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch. Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call. Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship". Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now, what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home". Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was. Why should he change? YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long. Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening. All of us Black Males do not cheat. I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype. I know other BM who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it. Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. Worry LESS about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women. OPEN those ears and listen. Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything? And don't be so vain. You are NOT a better woman than his last. If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT. Observe him when you are with him. Do you have his home number? Work number? Have you seen where he lives? Where he works? Is he secretive? Did you ask if he's married or engaged? How does he treat other people? Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear. the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now? there's no excuse and if a Black Woman takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself -- sexually AND emotionally. Show our azz the door if we pressure you for sex too soon. Don't be afraid to be alone. After you give our azz some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool. In other words, take your time and check us out. if we REALLY like you, we'll stick around. BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO. We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us. That's not how it works, baby. I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties. I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a damn thing if BW continue to live in a dream world. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won't change a damn thing. Black Women have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships. Let me end by saying.... SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP GIVING A MAN A READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TOA MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODYIF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY. NO YOUR P*ZZY IS NOT MADE OF GOLD. IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS. BELIEVE THAT. BW are going to have to raise their standards if they expect BM to do it. The question is, are my beautiful BW up to the challenge? Are you willing to be strong and stop taking the easy way out? Ladies, ladies, ladies, hit me back with some truth, not some bullshyt. I don't want to hear: "What you said don't refer to me 'cause I got my shyt together and I'm a proud black woman who intimidates men and I never made no mistakes, it's those other women who do things like that." No, no, no! I don't want to hear you putting yourself on a pedestal because I KNOW you've made mistakes. I want you to hit me back with some TRUTH. What are BW going to do about these shady, shaky relationships that wind up in divorce court 60-70%% of the time, that's if we bother getting married at all? What are BW going to do DIFFERENT to make this shyt better? Hit me back, ladies. "Just take me as I am or have nothing @ all...."
MANLAW: Just tell the truth and be really honest with yourselves. Remember, the blame should first start with you.
16 comments:
I do believe that people are responsible for their actions. I have known females who get sex and a relationship confused because that is what they want, but go about it wrong. I have never had casual, random hookups or a fuck buddy, so I don't know why anyone would do that to themselves. That is nasty. Obviously you have, so YOU ARE nasty.
Now, lets get to the root of the problem. If these women are doing this, they have no respect for themselves and that lack of respect comes from bad upbringing or bad past experiences. It's a vicious cycle really. These women are hurt and all they have are a bunch of trifling, predatory men waiting to use that to get some ass. They are just as sick as the women. I hope you don't do that anymore, you've obviously contributed to the cycle enough.
Anyway, when dealing with feelings women are naturally internal, men are more external (read--you all think with the wrong head sometimes). It is hard being alone, but when we women are too busy hating on each other, it's unlikely you have female support there to help you deal with it. This is a frustrating issue for me, because the problem seems to be at epidemic like levels, so I don't know what we can do.
And since you are being so short sighted in you rant, you ain't helping either. This is about completely changing a person's perception of themselves, ON BOTH SIDES. All of these things are easier said that done. You need to chill the hell out!! Shit ain't always cut and dry.
I think he hit one point that's true. Some women are too afraid to be alone, so they put up with unnecessary bullshit. Then again, some women think like men and really want the man just for sex. But the problem is that when women are totally honest with men, they can never handle it. If we told men the truth about how we feel, there would be constant arguments that would never make their way to the bedroom. I agree a lot of women try to mold a man into what they want by using sex. But truthfully, don't they do the same thing with us.
As far as what we women can do about it. Decide what we want and avoid the men we don't want.
I think he hit one point that's true. Some women are too afraid to be alone, so they put up with unnecessary bullshit. Then again, some women think like men and really want the man just for sex. But the problem is that when women are totally honest with men, they can never handle it. If we told men the truth about how we feel, there would be constant arguments that would never make their way to the bedroom. I agree a lot of women try to mold a man into what they want by using sex. But truthfully, don't they do the same thing with us.
As far as what we women can do about it. Decide what we want and avoid the men we don't want.
I think he hit one point that's true. Some women are too afraid to be alone, so they put up with unnecessary bullshit. Then again, some women think like men and really want the man just for sex. But the problem is that when women are totally honest with men, they can never handle it. If we told men the truth about how we feel, there would be constant arguments that would never make their way to the bedroom. I agree a lot of women try to mold a man into what they want by using sex. But truthfully, don't they do the same thing with us.
As far as what we women can do about it. Decide what we want and avoid the men we don't want.
Interesting,
I agree with both the philistine (sp?) and V-dizzle, however sex can be just sex and I do not think "it is nasty."
Although it is not particularly safe any more......
Indeed, women need to be more discerning but why does/should the moral fortitude of the male be the woman's responsibilty? Some more male BS.
I am a single female and I ONLY get approached by accomplished MARRIED men or those living with women. The only single productive men who step to me are white!
When I do take another mate I want him to already be adult and sexually and emotionally responsible.
Re: No Conseqeunces?
Such a limited concept but would require an explanation about sexual domination and exploitation.
When y'all start dying from Aids maybe that will be enough for EACH party in a relationship to own their shit.
For the ladies -- accepting a man who fcuks out back in your bed is suicide.
A broken heart can be fixed. If you ain't got money like Magic life will be over before you know it.
"Only a fool when you make the same mistake twice."
I honestly believe that equating sex with love is just crass.
This makes me really listen to how some women deal with men when it comes to sex. If you are a jump-off, you will get treated like a jump-off.
EXCELLENT POST.
I agree with the following:
There is NO reason for a woman to be mad at the mistress when her man fucks around. She doesn't owe you SHIT, you man is the one who owes you fidelity.
I also agree that women look the other way too many times with their sorry ass cheating man and act all brand new when he doesn't stop fucking around after the wedding.
But I think you're underestimating women and our ability to treat sex as a release and not the beginning of some silly ass storybook romance.
As a woman who has had a considerable amount of sex, I've not had the urge to "relationship" every guy I've fucked. It's one thing if I'm in a relationship that has been established as such but never after a one night stand or bootycall relationship have I turned into a "wanna be wife". We too are capable of "scratching the itch" and moving on with life. I do it ALL THE TIME. Matter of fact, I just had to cut a dude from my roster TODAY because he was a BOOTY CALL who went and fell in love with me and starting playing the jealous bitch role! So you all are guilty of "catching feelings" and becoming irrational as well, let's own up to it fellas.
Mistress, I agree.
One other thought, The men who post to this blog must mess with flakes.
Clearly y'all don't play with the big girls. ;)
eerr you need to stop holding your balls Con, they are not gonna get any bigger....okay, I'll promise to give them back.
Big dawgs?
I only attract them -- just cos they married or white don't make them any less.
I just happen to want one that ain't married or white!
I try not be judgemental cos perfection missed me. But Sweetie I know my shit stinks.
However, I am a supreme specimen of a woman. I make no apologies.
"Playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you."
You will have to find ways to deal with that I'm afraid.
Look here they are! Their your balls Darling.
This is the realest shit you ever wrote!!!
Women know what they are getting themselves into when they get themselves into it.
You already know, if you and this man don't communicate, then its just a fuck...pardon my french, but french is my second language...*lol*
Me, I know the rules of the game, now that I'm older...
But yes, sometimes, I get it twisted, like when a man leads you on...(Puddy)...
WIning and dining, daily 4 hours conversations....spending holidays together....whoo whoo whoo blazhay skippy whoo wopdebam...
I wanted him, I can't say what happened cause I don't know, but from a man's persepctive, he go scared...who knows, he'll never tell me, but anywho...
I already have in my mind what purpose each man in my life will fill...
Some are only good for late night penis...
Some are good for business and legal advice, penis is a plus...
Some are just good to kick it with, penis is a plus...
Some are good to make public appearances, penis afterwards...
Some are good with their hands, fixing things etc.
Some are just so good you want them to be your man (Puddy)....
Sometimes I wish, we never had sex, but then if we didn't have sex I wouldn't know what GOOD, correction, GREAT SEX was....
I don't regret anything...
It is what it is...and women need to honor and respect that and keep it moving...
Cause 8 times outta ten, you will not be the only woman...
I've come to understand that, which helps keep me sane...so I just do what I do, and as long as I did what I WANTED TO DO, I'm cool as to what happened, but I still get emotional, I'm a woman, OK?
I also concur to VDizzles second statement....sex is FANTABULOUS when you actually know a person....so gettig to know a person helps sexually as well as, mentally and spiritually, cause you will already know there expectations...
@reinestorm...I see your enter button is stuck...(smile)
@goddersgirl...I've been flake free in 2007.
@skinny g....excellent post.
"Its only as good as I think it is." LMAO! Hahahaha. That's great. Amen to that. I know many women who REALLY need to read this because they don't believe it coming from me.
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