Sexting

(Wikipedia) - The act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones.

(Urban Dictionary) - the act of text messaging someone in the hopes of having a sexual encounter with them later; initially casual, transitioning into highly suggestive and even sexually explicit.

• James Michael Evans, a former Bozeman (Montana) High track coach was accused of sending sexually explicit text and photo messages to female students.

• Jenn Sterger, a former New York Jets employee, was a victim of sexting by former Jets quarterback Brett Favre, who now plays for the NFL. The matter is still under investigation by the NFL.

• A police officer in Darke County Ohio was fired for violating the department's policy on "sexting."

• Prince William County (Maryland) police have arrested a football coach at Stonewall Jackson High School, saying he sent lewd messages to a 16-year-old female student. Police said 42-year-old William Dignan sent numerous sexual messages to the girl by phone and by e-mail.
  

Every day it seems I hear one crazy story after another about someone "sexting" another person. You have high school coaches "sexting" teenage girls. NFL football players "sexting" female team employees. You have male police officers "sexting" on duty.

It is one thing if the person on the receiving end of the "sexting" welcomes it or even asks for it. However, it is another thing if men (there are probably a few women out there too guilty of this) are crossing the lines of decency daily by sending pictures of their "pipes" to unsuspecting females (and in some extreme cases teenage girls). It is just sick any way you slice it.

If this were done between two consenting adults I have no problem with it. The issue, and a legal one for that matter, is when someone is sending unsolicited sexually explicit photos of themselves to someone else. It is harassment and he/she shouldn't get away with it.

Off with her head...

Joking. Sort of. But she deserves a severe punishment for what you'll read below.

28-year-old pop princess, Nadja Banaissa (shown), a member of a German pop group called "No Angels" said in court in Germany that she was “sorry” for not telling her sexual partners that she was HIV positive, although she was aware of her status. Apparently, she had unprotected sex with several men.

According to the charge sheet, she had unprotected sex on five occasions between 2000 and 2004 with three men and did not tell them she was infected. At least one of the three men, has been infected with HIV supposedly from Banaissa, but it hasn't been determined if he contracted it from her.

HIV and AIDS are no laughing matter and should be treated as such.

There should be a federal law about anyone KNOWINGLY having HIV and AIDS and going around having unprotected sex with people. I say starting with 15 years to life sentence for the what should be a federal crime in the U.S. I believe a few states have individual laws regarding this but I think this is a national matter.

I know critics are going to say well it takes two people to have sex and if the other person who doesn't have HIV or AIDS didn't insist on using protection then that's playing Russian Roulette with your life...along with several other side arguments you can claim.

But someone going around having unprotected sex with the virus shouldn't be dismissed either. Once someone is found guilty of doing this...there should be a HIV/AIDS registry set up similar to a sex-offender registry. I sure the ACLU would probably fight this....amongst other civil rights groups...but this is a matter of national security and the fight against HIV and AIDS.

Questions from the mailbag: Part 3

Question from Dark & Lovely: Is there ever a time when a man should be expected to marry a woman?

Brother's Manlaw response: There is no official time table on it. Personally, I think after 2 years of dating, a man should know if he wants to marry a woman. Does that mean he will marry her before or after 2 years? No. But that's where the woman needs to stand up for herself and ask what does she want. If she's put in at least 2 good years and is in the safe child bearing age and wants kids and he isn't showing any signs of movement...she might want to consider dating other people. Men can be the biggest bullshitters on the planet and we'll have a woman on the hook for years or even decades if she lets us.

Letter To Black Women

Dear Black Women,

Let me start of by saying this to you all: I love you and have so much respect for you all. I really do. The burdens you all carry are so great.  You are definitely appreciated.

However, I have not been feeling the love from some of you. Lately, there seems to be a small, yet powerful and growing, movement of Black women who seem to hate/dislike or are disappointed in Black men. I have read so many articles,blogs and news reports about Black women saying Black men ain't sh*t/wont settle etc, Black men only like White women, Black men are less successful than Black women. It saddens me to see some of you say this. I feel the need to clarify and inform since many of these statements and feeling are inaccurate.

First, I will tackle the whole dating thing. I am hearing a lot from some Black women that "Men ain't sh*t" and all other variants of that. I feel that many of these women need to look in the mirror. One, quit trying to make someone into what you want instead of accepting them for who they are. Too many times we try to mold someone. It is not going to happen. Men give clear signals when they are not happy or don't want to commit. Pay attention, assess, then move on.. Secondly, that man might be a good man, just not the one for you. Incompatibility does not make someone a bad person, just a bad partner. Thirdly, many times we don't take the time to reflect on the damage we done. Many of the women who spew negativity need to take stock of the damage they have done; do some critical self-reflection. Take responsibility for the role you have play in the demise of your relationship.

The second issue I need to tackle is interracial dating. Black men are not "betraying" their race or Black women by dating outside their race. Black men do not "hate" Black women because they date outside their race. Let me tell you why some Black men date outside their race: numbers. Dating only Black women limits the pool. Expanding your pool to include women of other races expands the potential pool of mates. Quit reading your magazines, chatting with your girlfriends. They have the game all messed up. Black men love Black women. We really do. Dating outside the race does not mean we don't love you. We will still love and support Black women in any endeavors even if we date outside the race. Are some brothers self-loathers? Yes, but they are so few. It is not an epidemic of Black men who hate Black women. That is soooooooo wrong. So when you see a Black dude down the street with a woman of another color, don't hate. Be happy that he hopefully found someone and is able to create a happy and healthy relationship. Also, it takes more energy to be upset at that man than it is to find the right one for you.

Overall, I just want you all to know that I am worried. The movement of haters among Black women is growing. And if we hope to improve the condition of Black America, I need Black women to support the brothers. I need brothers to do the same.

Sincerely,

Epsilonicus

Buy you a drink?

When did it become proper for a woman to ask a guy she doesn't know to buy her a drink?

Or worst...when did it become proper for a woman to demand a guy she doesn't know to buy her a drink?

Or even worst than both of those...when did it become proper for a woman you don't know to ask or demand you buy her and her girlfriend(s) drinks?

Are we to blame T-Pain for this because of his popular (but when you read the lyrics word for word...extremely silly) song "Buy You A Drink?

Or have women in general lost their damn minds?

I don't know where to point the blame. But there is one thing I know for certain. This epidemic isn't cute and it is something that needs to stop. If you as a woman are that darn thirsty, BUY YOURSELF A DRINK.

I was having this discussion with a male friend about our recent vacations and it happened to him while he was on vacation.

To paraphrase his response.

He said if he just met a woman at a club/bar/lounge or entertainment establishment and he's only been talking to a woman for five minutes, she shouldn't ask him to buy her a drink because he's going to say hell no. It doesn't matter how hot a woman looks. If he wants to buy her a drink, he'll offer and pay. No need to ask and damn sure no need to demand.

And if a woman is bold enough to ask/demand, his response is "I was just about to ask you (as a woman) to buy me a drink." That as he tells me, always ends the conversation for good. lol. I need to borrow that at some point in the future.

I couldn't agree with his policy more. But I have a variation to it.

Now, I'm a fairly generous person when it comes to being social. My number one reason for being in a club/bar/lounge or entertainment venue is to dance. I'm not a drinker. I don't profile. I'm there to break out a sweat on the dance floor. If a woman that I don't know dances with me for a while and I'm enjoying her company, it is my good nature to offer to buy her a drink.

Generally speaking, you have to engage me in something meaningful (a dance or a great conversation on something not superficial) to get a drink out of me, if I don't know you. Which begs me to ask another question, when did women lose the art of socializing? Just looking cute and sitting/standing around ISN'T enough and whoever told you it was should be forced to listen to Ashanti sing live for 24 hours straight.

So, ladies spread the word and make sure your girlfriends "don't ask and darn sure don't tell" any man to buy her a drink. Because more than likely if you do that, you'll probably end up with a dude that thinks he owns you after one drink.

Questions from the Mailbag: Part 2

Question from Essence Cutie: Dear Man Law, I went through plenty of your blogs, and I didn't find this subject. Maybe I missed it. However, here it is. A lot of my friends are practicing celibacy in their relationships and they are happier than ever. I have strong feeling about it and it's worth considering. What are your views on this subject? How do your male friends feel about it. When is a good time to let him know, the beginning of the relationship or after a couple of dates?

Brother's Manlaw Response: Celibacy is not for every man or woman for that matter (AND IT CERTAINLY ISN'T FOR ME) and if I can speak for the majority of my male friends it isn't for them either. I might not want to have sex with you the first time I meet you but if there is a physical attraction and you have the personality to match the physical, I'm going to want to have sex with you at some point.

And if sex isn't on the table, it might be a deal breaker for me. I don't put a time frame on having sex with a woman and I can't stand women that have these silly 30, 60 or 90-day rules (yeah they read that silly chapter in Steve Harvey's book "Act Like A Lady: Think Like A Man") because you can't put a time frame on sex. It never works. You have to go with your instincts to know when the moment is right or not. If you continue to make bad decisions on who to have sex with, then maybe you need to stop having sex altogether. But that's another blog topic for another day.

Now, if you are a woman and you believe in celibacy and it is a deal breaker for you then I think it is fair topic for discussion on Date 3 or after. Now, one more important thing on the celibacy issue. If you are going to claim you are celibate...you must STICK TO WHAT YOU SAY and you can't tease a man or go anywhere close to crossing that line. Because if you do that...eventually you will cross that line and you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

Questions from the mailbag: Part 1

Question from reader: I'm in a relationship with a "good" man but the sex is horrible! Should I continue to fake it? Am I at fault for my partner being a terrible lover? Is it true you are only as good as your lover?" Question via Anonymous.

Brother's Manlaw Response: Part 1 of answer: No. You shouldn't continue to fake it. The first and most important reason is that you are not getting satisfied and I'm afraid that is probably going to lead you to cheat if you haven't already. The second reason is he doesn't know that he isn't pleasing you and that isn't good for him either. I highly recommend you have a heart to heart with him and don't begin the conversation with the dreaded phrase "WE NEED TO TALK" because the majority of men shutdown emotionally when a woman says that. Right after the next time you have dinner you take him by the hand and lead him into the bedroom and you tell him...to just listen and watch you as you please yourself. Remember men are visual creatures. After a few minutes of this...you take his hands and guide them to your sweet spots. You whisper in his ear and tell him how much it turns you on that the man you care about caresses these sweet spots each time. Suggestion and Part 2 of answer: After one tutorial session where you lay your cards on the table so to speak, you watch to see what he does the next time you make love. If he really cares about you, he was paying attention and took mental notes of what you did and tries to repeat them the next time. If he forgets something just take his hand and guide them to the spot and if you think he needs vocal support...whisper it in his ear. Now, if he doesn't make any improvements over the course of the next 2-4 times you make love and you don't think he'll ever improve or he seems not to care about your feelings...you've got a big decision to make. Sex is usually a big part of a successful relationship to some people and if you are someone that believes that...you'll have to pick one or the other. If you think you are going to cheat, I would suggest you break up with him before you do cheat and search for someone that can satisfy you in the bedroom as well as satisfy you outside of it. Part 3 of the answer: You are not at fault for your partner being a terrible lover because some people are just selfish lovers, or they don't pay attention to what they are doing and how someone responds to them in bed. No, it isn't true that you are only as good as your lover.