Thursday, February 08, 2007

Get your wet wipes !

Okay. . .Okay. . .Okay. . .

Let's talk about Lisa Nowak. No, I'm not going to bash her or be insensitive to what people are deeming "mental anguish". We have all wanted to be the object of someone's romantic attention. I mean I remember I was like 20 and I thought my girlfriend was cheating on me. She went out and was calling me drunk saying she would be home late. My "mentally anguished" ass walked about 15 minutes to her crib at 3:00 am to sit between two cars across the street waiting to see who she came home with. Luckily for me it was only 15 minutes away and I'm a man so I didn't see the need to rock a diaper !

First off she's a married mother of 3. So already I'm losing sympathy for her "anguished" ass ! Second, how are you mentally and intellectually fit to be an astronaut but yet drive 900 miles to confront a woman about a man who ain't even yours wearing a diaper. I mean what was she listening to in the whip. How are you driving and just peeing on yourself ? That ain't gangsta ! I know. The astronauts wear diapers for take off and landing. But damn that's exiting and entering a planet's atmosphere. This is driving. Pull your dumb ass over. I'm sorry, I'm bashing.

And. And. She was going to kidnap this chic. She wasn't even sure that homegirl was seeing dude. She just snapped and decided she was willing to risk her husband, 3 children, a career at NASA, and was going to pack a bag, fill up with gas, throw on a diaper and roll out huh ? Just like that ?
Now, was she driving a hybrid cuz what car goes 9 hours w/o a refill ? Why she couldn't piss then ?(ghetto grammar, picture we on the front porch)

She runs up on chic and tries to get in the car then knocks on the window and sprays pepper spray in the window. Oh lawd. This is the best scheme an astronaut could come up with ? And why do people cover their face on the way to court. Don't they know we got the mug shot, we got the name. . .what the hell ?

So now the real question. . .Is she just crazy in love ? or Just crazy ?
I mean I have made women cry. I have caused stress, and probably "mental anguish".
I have had pictures cut up and put in my mailbox ? I've had my house broken into by my woman and I have had a woman follow me home (walking). . .and we were young. I mean it was me and her. Not me and her and her husband and 3 kids. So, what was he doing that she would do some crazy shit like that on a hunch ?

And she's a f#$%in astronaut son. I saw armageddon. The cats go through rigorous training on how to survive in extreme environments. They are supposed to be on some top level mensa sh#t. Suduku ain't sh@t to them. They are supposed to be able to perservere through "mental anguish" not cave in and throw some D (iaper)'s on it and ride out !

All over now travelers will be trying to save time by wearing diapers. F around and see NASA endorsing depends.

"Is your life busy ? Feel like you don't time for sh!t ? Rock depends, handle your business, you can deal with that other sh#t later !"

Manlaw: if you go visit a woman and she has diapers but no kids and no old folks on a bed in the living room. . .RUN !

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

...to be so lucky

Meet Cindy, my homegirl who moved from Boston to San Diego about a year ago. Cindy's cool people for any number of reasons, but she added one to the list today.

See, Cindy, as she describes it, has the "worst spoiling tendencies" when it comes to her man. Today she's planning a trip for she and her guy to go to Hawaii -- all on her. Let's take a step back for a minute here -- Cindy's no pushover, despite what the name suggests. She's a multiethnic, edgy chic from Dorchester (those of you from Boston will get the implication of that off top), who's petite but with a body, easy on the eyes and soft spoken but who drag races in her spare time and could likely kick the ass of half the men I know my size.

Given that, it was surprising to hear her talking about the fact that outside of racing and her other "normal" exploits, that Cindy also enjoys "...knowing I can splurge on a guy...cooking, baking, and tons of gifts all the time." Makes her feel good, she says. I'll bet it makes him feel good, too.

But it did give me a lot of questions, though. Women my age and younger, at least many of those I've met, ain't exactly what I'd call the "cater to my man" set, regardless of what Beyonce sings about. If they are, it's usually attached to some condition or another, as in 'he's got to prove himself before he deserves, x, y, or z', or 'he's got to be great in bed to deserve breakfast'. Rarely have I heard a woman speak of wanting to spoil a man because of how it made her feel.

Cindy, though, apparently had a better role model than some of the other women I know.

"I learn from my mother, that's how she keeps my dad in love with her
after 34 years. Many women think that they're the ones that need to be
spoiled, but men need affection too. A bj and stuff in the bedroom can
only do so much. Plus, my bf is helpless in the kitchen. I just also
happen to love cooking and baking, it calms me down. It also makes it
easier when I am with a high maintenance guy who loves expensive
clothes, jewelry, cologne, and the occasional getaways. Whenever I go
out with my girls shopping, I always find something for HIM as well. So
for valentine's day, I'm surprising him with a trip to Hawaii, a package
to an all inclusive resort, and some clothes for the vacation."

Ladies, got them notebooks out?